ADOPTION THERAPY
Online adoption therapy for adult individuals in New York, Connecticut, & Florida
Finally, Therapy That Actually Understands Adoption
with Gayle Weill, LCSW
C.A.S.E. Certified Therapist Specializing in Adoption Counseling
Online therapy | $325 per session | Out-of-network with insurance
Adoption brings complex emotions and situations that most therapists don’t have specialized training in.
As a C.A.S.E. certified adoption-competent therapist, I provide individual therapy specifically designed for the unique challenges each person in the adoption triangle faces.
Please note: I only offer individual therapy for adoptive parents, birth parents, and adult adoptees. I don’t provide family or joint counseling, or counseling for children.
Click here to learn about my adoption therapy services for:
Adoptive Parents: Confidently Help Your Child Navigate Their Adoption Questions
Your 8-year-old just asked, “Why didn’t my real mom want me?” and you froze. The hurt in their eyes hit you like a punch, and as you fumbled through an answer, you felt the hurt too. After all, this child is your real child, the one you’ve loved, raised, and chosen every single day.
When these questions come up, you’re not sure if you’re saying the right thing. You love your child deeply, but you are worried that you’re failing them when they need you most. The anxiety about “screwing them up” keeps you up at night.
You’ve read every adoption parenting book on Amazon and joined Facebook groups for adoptive parents. You’ve tried regular family therapy, but the therapist seemed uncomfortable with adoption topics or gave generic parenting advice that doesn't fit your situation.
The books give you scripts, but real conversations with your child don’t follow scripts. You’re walking a tightrope: being completely honest might overwhelm them, but keeping things too simple leaves you wondering if they’re getting enough truth.
Why adoption-competent therapy is different…
As a C.A.S.E. certified adoption therapist, I understand that adoption conversations aren't just about finding the right words; they're about timing, emotional safety, and your child's ability to comprehend complex concepts.
I know how to help you recognize your child's emotional cues and respond in ways that build trust rather than shut down communication.
Unlike generic parenting therapy, I understand the specific trauma responses and attachment patterns that can surface in adopted children, and I can teach you how to respond to these therapeutically rather than just behaviorally.
What we’ll do together…
First, we’ll map your family’s unique trigger points. Maybe your child melts down every time they see biological families on TV, or certain questions always lead to tears at bedtime. We’ll figure out exactly what sets off those big emotions, both yours and theirs.
I’ll teach you to read the early warning signs before your child gets overwhelmed. When they start getting extra clingy, asking the same question on repeat, or suddenly acting out, you'll know a conversation is brewing and how to approach it.
We’ll practice real conversations for every age. When your 5-year-old asks, "Why didn't my birth mom keep me?" we'll craft a response that honors their pain without drowning them in adult complexity. When your 12-year-old asks, "Do you know why my birth parents used drugs?" we'll practice honest answers that feel age-appropriate. When your 16-year-old declares, "I want to find my birth parents and you can't stop me," you'll have supportive responses that keep them talking instead of shutting down.
Most importantly, I'll help you find words that feel genuinely yours, not rehearsed from a parenting book. We’ll also work on managing that voice in your head (the one whispering “you’re saying too much” or “that’s not enough”) so you can stay present when your child needs you most.
Together, we’ll create a simple roadmap for sharing information that evolves as your child grows. No more reinventing the wheel at every milestone.
Realistic outcomes after working together…
Instead of dreading the car ride home from school, you’ll look forward to your child’s questions. When they ask, “Why couldn’t my birth mom take care of me?” you’ll have words that feel genuinely yours, not rehearsed from a book, that help your child feel heard and loved.
The next time your child sees a young child and their mom at the grocery store and gets that look in their eyes, you’ll recognize it immediately. You'll know whether they need a gentle conversation right there in the cereal aisle, or if this is a moment to tuck away for a deeper talk at bedtime. No more second-guessing yourself.
When your 5-year-old becomes a teenager with much harder questions, you won’t be starting from scratch. You’ll have a roadmap that grows with them, from simple truths for little ears to complex conversations that honor their need for the whole story. Each stage will build naturally on the last, instead of feeling like you're fumbling through brand new territory every time.
Most importantly, when your teen says “Mom” or “Dad,” you’ll feel completely secure in claiming those titles. No more wondering if you’re enough, if you’re doing this right, or if you’re somehow failing the child you love more than life itself.
For Birth Parents: Honor Your Grief Without Apologizing for It
It's been three years since you placed your daughter for adoption, and everyone keeps telling you that you should “move on” and “be proud of your selfless choice.”
But you think about her every single day. You see a little girl with pigtails at Target and your breath catches: she’d be that age now.
You made an adoption plan because you wanted what was best for her, but the grief feels endless, like a tide that never fully recedes.
In your open adoption, you get photos and updates. Seeing her smile in someone else's arms brings a confusing tangle of joy and heartbreak that no one in your life seems to understand. How do you explain missing someone who's perfectly safe and loved, just not by you?
The grief most people don’t understand…
You've tried to focus on building your life and moving forward, but grief ambushes you at random moments. Maybe you tried regular therapy, but your therapist treated your placement like any other loss. The thing is, this isn’t death. This is loving someone from a distance forever.
Support groups felt wrong too. Losing a child to death isn't the same as choosing life for them with someone else. Well-meaning friends tell you that you did the right thing and should feel good about it, so you’ve smiled, nodded, and hidden the complicated truth.
You’ve tried staying busy, but the grief always finds you.
Why adoption-competent therapy is different…
I understand that birth parent grief isn’t like traditional grief because your child didn’t die; they are living a different life with different parents.
As a C.A.S.E. certified adoption therapist, I know that birth parent grief is recurring and cyclical, not something you “move past.” I can help you process the complexity of seeing your child thrive with another family while simultaneously grieving your daily role in their life.
Open adoption is walking a tightrope between staying connected and protecting your heart. I’ll help you find the balance that works for you.
What we’ll do together…
Our work together looks different because your situation is different.
We'll figure out your grief pattern so you understand when the hard days are coming and why. We know that birth parent grief has its own rhythm. With that in mind, I’ll help you prepare instead of getting knocked down by surprise.
You’ll learn how to hold two truths at once: being happy for your child AND sad about your role, without feeling like you're going crazy.
We’ll find your sweet spot for contact with the adoptive family. You'll know exactly how much communication feels good versus overwhelming, and how to ask for what you need without feeling guilty or demanding.
We’ll talk about how to deal with grief in ways that work for your situation: not generic grief advice that doesn't fit when your child is alive and thriving somewhere else. These strategies are built specifically for the kind of love and loss you’re experiencing.
We'll work through your placement decision in a way that helps you make peace with your choice without getting trapped in endless “what-if” thoughts that steal your sleep and sanity.
What changes after we work together…
You’ll stop hiding in the grocery store when you see kids her age. Instead of that gut-punch panic, you'll be able to smile at the little girl with pigtails and think of your daughter with warmth instead of devastation.
The photos from the adoptive family won’t control your emotional state anymore. Whether you’ve been avoiding them for weeks or obsessively analyzing every detail, you’ll be able to look at her Halloween costume, feel genuinely happy for her, and go about your day without it derailing you.
Mother’s Day will become something you can participate in instead of something you survive. You’ll have your own meaningful tradition that honors your role in her life without the crushing weight of what you’re “missing.”
You'll sleep through the night on her birthday instead of lying awake replaying your placement decision. The anniversary will still matter, but it won't hijack your entire emotional world.
You'll be able to date, make friends, and build your career without constantly feeling like you’re betraying her memory by being happy. The guilt that follows you everywhere finally lifts.
Visit days will feel like gifts instead of emotional torture. You'll show up present and relaxed, able to focus on connecting with her instead of just trying not to fall apart.
When people ask about your “situation,” you'll have words that feel true to you, not defensive explanations or apologetic justifications. You'll talk about your choice with quiet confidence instead of shame.
Most importantly, you’ll wake up most mornings without that heavy feeling in your chest. The grief becomes something you carry, not something that carries you away from your own life.
For Adult Adoptees: Build Your Complete Identity (Both Families Included)
You’re successful by every external measure, but you feel like you’re living someone else’s life.
You love your adoptive family, but you've always felt like an outsider looking in. Friends talk about having their mom's eyes or their dad's sense of humor, and you just smile and nod, but inside you feel like you don’t quite belong anywhere. You think about your birth parents constantly…sometimes with curiosity, sometimes with anger, sometimes with a longing you can’t explain.
You've considered searching for them, but you're terrified of what you might find or how it might hurt your adoptive parents.
You've told yourself to “just be grateful you have a family” and tried to push down these feelings.
You might have tried regular therapy, but spent most of your time explaining adoption basics to your therapist instead of actually working on your issues.
You've read adoptee memoirs and joined online adoptee groups, but everyone's story seems different from yours.
You've tried talking to your adoptive parents about your feelings, but you can see how much it hurts them, so you've learned to keep these thoughts to yourself.
Some days you wonder if something is wrong with you for not being satisfied with the loving family and happy life you have.
Why adoption-competent therapy is different…
I understand that your feelings about adoption aren't a betrayal of your adoptive family; they're a normal part of being human.
As a C.A.S.E. certified adoption therapist, I know that identity formation works differently for adoptees and that your questions about origins aren't just curiosity: they're essential for psychological wholeness.
I can help you explore these feelings without judgment and without the pressure to "choose sides" between your adoptive and birth families. I understand the unique grief and loss patterns that adoptees experience, including grieving people you've never met.
What we’ll do together…
You’ll finally put words to feelings you’ve carried your whole life without having to educate me about adoption basics first. We'll dig into your earliest memories about being adopted, including thoughts you've never said out loud.
You'll understand why relationships feel so complicated for you, whether you're a chronic people-pleaser or struggle to trust that people won't leave. These dynamics make sense when you understand how adoption affects you.
If you're haunted by thoughts of being “unwanted,” we'll process those beliefs in a way that stops them from ambushing you at random moments.
You’ll create your complete story: one that honors both your adoption and everything else that makes you who you are, without feeling like you have to choose.
If you're considering searching for your birth family, we'll prepare you for every scenario — rejection, embrace, or discovering difficult truths — so that you can make that choice from strength, not desperation.
You’ll learn to have real conversations with your adoptive family about your feelings without tiptoeing around their emotions or feeling guilty for your truth.
Realistic outcomes after working together…
You’ll stop feeling like you’re betraying someone. When friends talk about having their dad's stubborn streak, you'll actually contribute to the conversation instead of just smiling and nodding. You'll say something like “I definitely got my adoptive mom’s ambition, and I wonder if my birth parents were ambitious too.”
You'll stop walking on eggshells around the birth parent topic. When your adoptive parents ask how you’re doing, you'll be able to say “I've been thinking about my birth mom lately” without immediately backtracking or changing the subject because you see hurt flash across their faces.
If you decide to search for your birth family, you won't be doing it from a place of desperation. Whether you find a tearful reunion, a closed door, or discover your birth father struggled with addiction, you'll have the emotional strength to handle whatever comes without it destroying you.
You’ll stop apologizing for wondering about your origins. When that familiar wave of curiosity about your birth parents hits, you won't immediately follow it with guilt and self-criticism. Those feelings will just be part of your human experience.
Most importantly, when someone asks about who you are, you’ll have an answer that feels complete. You won't feel like you're cobbling together pieces from different worlds. You'll feel like one whole person with a story that includes adoption, not someone forever caught between two families, never fully belonging to either.
Why Choose an Adoption-Competent Therapist?
Most therapists, despite good intentions, lack the specialized knowledge to understand adoption's complexities. This can lead to misdiagnosis, inappropriate treatment recommendations, or you having to educate your therapist during sessions.
My specialized training includes:
C.A.S.E. (Center for Adoption Support and Education) certification
Child-Parent Psychotherapy training
Circle of Security-Parenting (COS-P) facilitator
Extensive experience in adoption and foster care systems
My approach: As an adoption therapist, I use evidence-based therapies (CBT, EMDR, psychodynamic therapy) tailored specifically for adoption-related issues. I understand the neurological impacts of early trauma, attachment disruptions, and the unique grief and loss patterns in adoption.
How We’ll Work Together
Format: Individual therapy sessions via Zoom
Frequency: Weekly sessions for the first 6 weeks is recommended, but not required. Some people schedule weekly, bi-weekly, monthly, or on an as-needed basis.
Investment: $325 per 60-minute session
Payment: Out-of-pocket only (I can provide Superbills for potential insurance reimbursement)
Locations served: New York, Connecticut, Florida (online only)
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) About Adoption Therapy
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No. I'm an out-of-network provider, so you pay the full session fee upfront. I can provide receipts for you to submit to your insurance for potential partial reimbursement if you have out-of-network benefits.
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I don’t offer consults due to my schedule. However, if you don’t find the answers to your questions here on the service page, please feel free to email me specific questions about whether my services might be a good fit.
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This varies greatly depending on your specific situation and goals. Some clients see significant progress in 3-6 months, while others benefit from longer-term work. We'll discuss your specific timeline during our first few sessions.
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No, I don't have personal experience as an adoptee, adoptive parent, or birth parent. Some people strongly prefer therapists with lived experience, and I completely understand that preference. My expertise comes from specialized training and years of clinical experience working specifically with adoption-related issues.
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No. I provide individual therapy only. If you need family therapy, I can provide referrals to adoption-competent family therapists.
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I don't provide couples therapy, but I can refer you to adoption-competent couples therapists if that's what you need.
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While most of my clients are women, I do work with adoptive fathers and male adoptees. However, if you'd prefer working with a male therapist, I can provide referrals.
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I can only provide therapy to residents of states where I'm licensed, or certain countries outside of the United States. I can help you find other adoption-competent therapists in your state.
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No, at this time, I only do individual therapy and do not offer joint therapy sessions.
