8 Tips to Be a Better Mom in 2024
With life today, it can feel like being a perfect mom is a full-time job all on its own. Between juggling work responsibilities and the endless stream of parenting advice—much of it conflicting—it’s easy to feel scattered and like you're doing something wrong.
Society seems to have a checklist of all the things parents need to do to feel like they're doing well as parents; as if there’s a one-size-fits-all answer, and it can be hard not to compare yourself to other moms.
But in reality, motherhood is different for everyone. It’s a journey with a mix of ups and downs, unique for everyone.
I’m a therapist who works with women, especially moms, to help them manage the anxiety that can come with everyday life.
My goal is to provide guidance toward finding balance and joy in their role, and I’m here to share some insights on how to embrace motherhood in a way that truly fits your life.
What makes a “good” mother?
When a person has a baby there is so much pressure to be a good mother. And that makes sense—a normal, mentally healthy mom loves her children unconditionally; of course, she wants to be a great mom to them!
But what if we let go of the pressure to be a “good” mom and concentrate instead on feeling good enough for our kids?
Motherhood is a whirlwind of emotions—one moment, you’re bursting with love, and the next, you’re hit with frustration, self-doubt, and you feel guilty about making mistakes. It’s completely normal to feel all of these things even if sometimes they make you question yourself.
Every mom has moments where she wonders if she’s doing enough for her kids, and feeling this way just shows how much you care.
The love and joy you feel as your child grows doesn't erase the hard moments of raising children, and that’s okay. Embracing the whole mix of emotions is part of finding peace as a mom.
The most important thing to remember is that there's no such thing as perfect; know that good enough truly is enough.
8 tips on how to be a “good” mother
How to mom? The basics of how to be a good mother come down to meeting your child's fundamental needs for food, shelter, safety, and love. Those are the most important things.
If you're providing these essentials, know that you’re already doing your mom thing and are a good mother.
Please know that for your child there is no better mother or better parent than you. Below are eight tips for mom on how to be the best mother you can be, in no particular order.
1. Embrace Imperfection
How to do it: Recognize that perfection is unattainable, and it’s okay if things aren’t always perfect. Say something you wish you didn't to your child? Having a bad day? Know that it is to be expected, there is no perfect mother. Even mothers have moments they aren't proud of sometimes.
That's okay too because a kid also has those moments, and they need a person teaching them how to handle it when they make mistakes. Moms can see this as an opportunity for their children to learn from them about how to handle their own imperfections and apologize.
Example scenario: Lily found herself shouting at her ten-year-old for not having good behavior. One of her values as a mother was to maintain patience and never to raise her voice at her children. However, she realized that it's impossible to be a complete human and be 100% perfect all the time. Recognizing this, Lily saw it as an opportunity to grow: she apologized to her child and let her know that she wished she had handled her frustration differently.
2. Prioritize Self-Care
How to do it: Carve out a small amount of time each day for something that brings you joy, that isn't just about how you take care of your child. It could include time with kids, friends, and other loved ones, or really anything that you enjoy.
Even if it’s just 10 minutes to read, meditate, have some alone time, or enjoy a cup of tea, these small moments are essential. They allow you to take care of yourself and give you the energy to show up as your best parent-self.
When you prioritize yourself, you’ll find that you have more patience for your children, which is crucial during their child growing years.
Example scenario: After a long day, take a few minutes to unwind once your child is asleep, rather than only focusing on housework. This can help you feel more refreshed and ready for tomorrow’s challenges.
3. Truly listen and hear your children
How to do it: Create a safe and supportive environment where your children feel comfortable expressing themselves. Use active listening techniques, such as making eye contact and reflecting back what they say, to show that you value their opinions.
Regularly set aside time for family discussions or one-on-one check-ins to ensure everyone has a chance to share.
Scenario: One evening, you notice your child seems withdrawn and quiet during dinner. Instead of pushing them to talk, you might say, "I’ve noticed you’ve been a bit quiet lately. Is there anything on your mind that you’d like to share?"
After they open up about feeling stressed about new friends, you respond by actively listening and validating them. You might say, "It’s completely normal to feel that way sometimes. Let’s talk about how we can make it easier for you." This approach encourages your child to communicate openly, knowing that they can express themselves without fear of judgment with their parent.
4. Trust Your Instincts
How to do it: You know your children best. Trust your instincts when making decisions, and don’t second-guess yourself because of external advice or opinions.
Scenario: You’re advised by a family member to start a specific discipline technique, but you don’t feel it aligns with your child’s personality. Trust your gut and use the approach that feels right for you. Family members may be well intentioned, but sometimes they can provide unsolicited guidance or advice.
5. Model Healthy Coping Skills
How to do it: Demonstrate healthy ways to handle stress, such as taking deep breaths or going for a walk. Modeling these behaviors shows your child how to manage emotions and will ensure healthy child development.
Scenario: If you’re feeling stressed, tell your child you’re going to take a few deep breaths. This teaches them that it’s okay to pause and calm down.
6. Allow them to feel their feelings
How to do it: No one enjoys experiencing negative emotions, such as sadness. However, as a human being, we need to learn how to navigate all emotions, including the difficult ones.
The reality is that distraction only prolongs these negative feelings, and as your kids grow it will only teach them that it’s not safe to express certain emotions with you.
How to be a good mom? Allow your child to feel safe sharing all of their feelings with you, even ones that trigger your own feelings of discomfort.
Scenario: Your child is expressing sadness about being bullied. Your knee-jerk reaction is to let them know that they don't need to feel sad because those bullies aren't true friends and don't know what they're talking about.
You think trying to wipe away their pain will benefit their mental health. I get that! But instead, let your child feel their feelings. You can say something like this: "It sounds like you're feeling really bad about yourself right now, and those other kids hurt your feelings. You must be feeling so sad."
7. Stay Present
How to do it: It is never a bad thing to focus on the here and now with your child, even if it’s just a few moments a day to spend time with them. Being present and having one on one time strengthens your bond and helps you feel more connected. Spending time includes not just being present physically for your children, but to spend quality time is to also provide undivided attention.
Scenario: When reading a bedtime story, avoid multitasking. Put aside distractions and engage with the story together—your presence is the best gift you can give.
8. Don't compare your kids to one another
How to do it: Focus on celebrating each child's unique strengths, interests, and developmental pace. Instead of measuring their achievements against each other (making them feel badly about themselves at best, and rivals at worst) highlight what makes each child special. Create an environment where they feel comfortable expressing their individuality.
Scenario: Imagine you have two kids: the older child excels in sports and is a natural athlete, while the other has a talent for art and spends hours drawing. Instead of saying, "Why can’t you run as fast as your brother?" you could say, "I love how passionate you are about your art! Let’s showcase your latest drawing."
This approach not only fosters a positive atmosphere but also reinforces the idea that both children can shine in their own ways, boosting their self-esteem and reducing the urge to compare.
When to seek professional help
Even the most dedicated mothers can find themselves overwhelmed at times.
It’s essential to recognize when it may be beneficial to seek professional support. If you're experiencing any of the following signs, consider reaching out to a therapist:
A persistent feeling of sadness or hopelessness that don’t seem to lift.
Extreme stress or anxiety that interferes with daily functioning.
Difficulty managing anger or frustration, leading to negative interactions with your child.
Changes in sleep patterns or appetite that affect your well-being.
Isolation or disconnect from loved ones.
Challenges in maintaining a healthy balance between personal needs and parenting responsibilities.
Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. By addressing these signs, you can become a more resilient and supportive mother, ultimately benefiting both you and your child.
Debunking common motherhood myths
Motherhood is filled with expectations and assumptions that can create unnecessary pressure on mothers.
It’s important to recognize and debunk these myths to foster a healthier, more realistic understanding of what it means to be a "good" mom.
Here are some common misconceptions:
“Motherhood comes naturally.”
Many believe that being a good mother is instinctive, but it truly is a skill that develops over time. It requires learning, practice, and often, guidance from others.“You must sacrifice your needs for your kids.”
The idea that mothers should put their own needs last is damaging. Self-care is crucial for maintaining your well-being and, in turn, being able to care for your children effectively.“Good moms never feel overwhelmed.”
Every mother experiences moments of doubt and overwhelm. It’s normal to feel this way, and acknowledging it can lead to better support and coping strategies.“There’s a ‘perfect’ way to parent.”
Parenting is highly individual, and what works for one family may not work for another. Embracing your unique style is essential.
By dispelling these myths, mothers can cultivate a more balanced and compassionate view of their parenting journey, ultimately leading to a healthier relationship with themselves and their children.
Final thoughts on how to be a better mom
As you navigate the challenges of being a mother, remember that growth and learning are integral parts of the journey.
It's not about perfection but about striving to understand your child and nurturing their development.
Case Study from my Practice
In my practice, I've worked with a mother who struggled with her child’s social interactions and was concerned about how her child was forming friendships with other kids.
She often felt inadequate in guiding these relationships.
Through our sessions, she learned strategies to foster open communication, helping her child understand the importance of empathy and connection with friends.
Over time, she observed her child becoming more confident in building friendships with other kids, which not only enhanced her child's social skills but also improved how they were feeling emotionally.
For those who need additional support
If you’re looking to do best by your children, without anxiety taking over, I’m here to help. Let’s work together to empower you and your child to thrive. Please contact me today.
