Featured In: Authority Magazine - Recovering From People-Pleasing
An Interview With Brooke Young & Yitzi Weiner on Apr 6, 2024
I was recently interviewed by Yitzi Weiner for Authority Magazine to discuss a challenge that plagues many of the women I work with in my NYC-based therapy practice: people-pleasing.
People-pleasing isn't just about being "nice." It’s a self-protective mechanism that often develops early in life to ensure safety, acceptance, or approval. While it might have served a purpose once, in adulthood, it typically leads to resentment, exhaustion, and a complete loss of self.
The 5-Step Path to Recovery
In the interview, I outlined a specific, clinical framework for breaking the cycle of chronic over-accommodation:
Cultivate Non-Judgmental Awareness: Start by noticing when you are saying "yes" while your body is screaming "no." Don't criticize the impulse; just observe it.
Identify the "Why": Dig deep into the fear driving the behavior. Are you afraid of someone being angry? Are you worried about being perceived as "difficult"?
Challenge the Rationale: Question the validity of those fears. Is it actually true that a boundary will destroy the relationship, or is that an irrational narrative?
Manage the Boundary Anxiety: Setting a boundary will feel physically uncomfortable. You must use grounding and breathwork to sit with that anxiety rather than giving in to it.
Practice Consistently: Boundaries are a muscle. You won't get it right every time, but consistent practice makes the new behavior more natural.
My Additional Thoughts: The Motherhood Trap
One thing we didn't dive as deeply into in the article is how people-pleasing manifests specifically in motherhood. Many moms in NYC feel an immense pressure to be the "perfect" parent, partner, and employee. They often view self-sacrifice as the ultimate sign of a "good mother."
In reality, when you people-please your family, you are mothering from a place of depletion. This creates a cycle of burnout and eventual rage. Recovery requires realizing that your needs are not an inconvenience: they are a prerequisite for your family's health.
Dig Deeper into the Full Interview
You can read my full interview, Gayle Weill on How To Recover From Being A People Pleaser, over at Authority Magazine on Medium.
If you find yourself stuck in these patterns, I offer specialized hypnosis therapy for women in NY, CT, and FL to help reprogram these automatic responses and manage the anxiety of boundary-setting.
Schedule a session today to start reclaiming your time and your self-respect.
Gayle Weill, LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and hypnotherapist specializing in maternal mental health, adoption competency, and adult autism evaluations. She provides virtual therapy to women and mothers in NYC. Through her clinical work, writing, and educational resources, she helps moms of sensitive children regulate their own nervous systems so they can respond with clarity rather than overwhelm.
